The Thanksgiving Survival Guide

5 things you can do to set your child (and you) up for success

When you think about Thanksgiving, you probably think about all of the food. Maybe there's a sweet potato casserole dish that your aunt makes every year that you adore. Maybe you have a special pair of pants with a stretchy waist band just waiting for their day to shine. Maybe there are family members you look forward to catching up with or handprint turkeys you can't wait to hang up again.

But the thought of gathering with family to celebrate Thanksgiving might also fill you with dread. In fact, in a recent poll conducted by Additude Magazine, 89% of respondents reported relatives misunderstanding their children and being unfair or unkind. This can come in the form of unrealistic expectations ("You must sit at the table quietly until everyone is finished!"), vocal opinions about the legitimacy of an ADHD diagnosis ("There's no way she has ADHD!"), or attacks on your parenting ("You just need to discipline him more!")

Sound familiar?

Or you might be dreading how your child will handle all of the Thanksgiving festivities. You might feel like whenever you expect your child to be on their absolute best behavior, they show you their worst. Before we dive into strategies for helping your child get through Thanksgiving, let's first look at how Thanksgiving can be challenging for children, particularly children with ADHD, autism, and weak executive functioning.

• Stressed and busy adults who might not be able to give the attention your child wants

• Waiting to eat: This can be torture for adults too, but it can be especially hard for children who struggle with a sense of time

• Sensory overload: Just think of all the smells, tastes, and sounds that a packed house on Thanksgiving can bring

• Unfamiliar foods that (gasp!) might be touching each other on the plate

• Break from routine: You might be somewhere new, with different people, and with a different schedule (and later bedtimes)

• Lengthy meal: It can be challenging for a child to sit still while adults take their time eating

• Unrealistic expectations: Thanksgiving is rarely a time when kids can just be kids.

Take a moment to think about what your child (or you) might find challenging about your Thanksgiving plans. Then review the following five strategies to help make Thanksgiving as enjoyable as possible for your child and family.

Rehearse

If there are particular elements of Thanksgiving that you anticipate your child will struggle with, talk through it ahead of time. Social stories can be helpful for showing your child what to expect. You can also rehearse or practice different scenarios such as how to greet a relative, how to answer common questions, or how to politely decline tasting the brussel sprouts.

Plan Ahead

If you can anticipate challenges, then you can also plan ahead for how to handle them. If you anticipate that your child will get upset at different food items touching on her plate, plan ahead by bringing a divided plate. If you anticipate that your child will have trouble sitting still during dinner, plan ahead by packing fidget toys or coloring books. If you anticipate that your child will be overwhelmed, plan ahead with an exit strategy or a predetermined quiet place to go for a break.

Advocate

Thanksgiving (or any other day for that matter) is not an appropriate time for relatives to critique your parenting choices or to discipline your child. Remember that you are your child's advocate and that you know him or her best. Learn more about setting healthy boundaries here.

Survival Bag

If you will be celebrating Thanksgiving away from home, think about what you can bring to help your child. Here are some suggestions: fidget toys, wobble cushion, coloring book, noise blocking headphones, calming toys, weighted blanket, comfortable clothing, and snacks).

Assign jobs

How can you involve your child in the Thanksgiving preparation? Can she set the table or create a center piece? Can he be in charge of hanging up guests' coats as they arrive? Or perhaps she wants to provide entertainment with a brief magic show or violin performance? Want more ideas for how your child can help during Thanksgiving? Grab this free download!