4 mistakes you might be making when you introduce mindfulness to your children

Mindfulness has become a bit of a buzzword these days. It's offered up as the solution to everything from anxiety to ADHD to headaches.

The best thing about it is that anyone can do it. You don't need any expensive equipment or special training or even a lot of time. With consistent practice, mindfulness can produce potentially life-changing results. Research backs this up. (Read more here, here, and here).

You might be thinking it sounds too good to be true.

Or maybe you've tried it and you're wondering what you must be missing. If it really is all that, why isn't it making a difference for you and your family?

You might be making one of the four common mistakes parents and educators often make when introducing or encouraging mindfulness. Keep reading to find out what these mistakes are and what you can do to avoid them.

Mistake #1: Expecting Stillness

What do you picture when you imagine someone practicing mindfulness?

You're likely imagining someone with their eyes closed. They might be sitting or lying down. Their hands might be resting lightly on their knees with palms facing up. Most likely they are entirely still except for the rising and falling of their chest.

Mindfulness can look like this, but it doesn't have to. In fact, for our children, having to sit still like that might feel closer to torture than peaceful mindfulness.

If we want children to be fully present in the moment, asking them to sit still with eyes closed does exactly the opposite. Their minds start to wander. They wiggle and squirm. They count down the seconds until they can be finished. They start daydreaming about what they're going to build in Minecraft next. They are being anything but mindful and fully focused on the present.

Many children are more easily able to experience mindfulness if their bodies are moving and their eyes open. Sensory experiences that fully immerse your child or teen encourage the mindfulness we want them to experience. Imagine your child swinging on a swing, staring at a fish tank, or floating in a pool. It's these experiences that often result in the experience of mindfulness. Which leads us to the second mistake parents often make...

Mistake #2: Interrupting

We recently went to the aquarium. My four-year-old was mesmerized by the colorful fish swimming back and forth. She planted herself in front of a tank, nose pressed against the glass, and it was as if the whole world outside of the tank faded away.

In situations like this, our parental instinct (or conditioning?) is quick to kick in shouting loudly in our ears, "TEACHABLE MOMENT! TEACHABLE MOMENT!" We often respond by asking questions or sharing facts:

"What's your favorite fish?" "How many orange fish do you see?" "These fish live in tropical climates."

If I had asked any of those questions, I would have taken my daughter out of her state of mindfulness. She didn't need me. She was experiencing something far more powerful than any fish fact would have ever come close to being.

So here's my challenge for you: The next time you observe your child or teen fully immersed in an activity or experience, resist the urge to jump in with questions or narration. If you must, you can reflect with them later on how they were feeling in that moment and use their experience to help them better understand what mindfulness is.

Mistake #3: Using Mindfulness as a Consequence

Many parents have been introduced to mindfulness as a tool to help children self-regulate. This isn't incorrect--it is a valuable tool for self-regulation. The mistake is made when we only turn to mindfulness in those moments when our children are in a state of dysregulation. Have you ever tried to learn something new when you are overwhelmed with emotions? It doesn't work so well...

Instead, we need to introduce mindfulness in calm moments. Our goal should be to incorporate it into our everyday life by scattering mindful moments throughout the day. If we only ask our children to practice mindfulness as a consequence when they are acting out or feeling strong emotions, then it gets a negative association.

Similarly, some parents set up "calm down corners" full of mindfulness tools. I am personally a fan of calm down corners or toolkits, but we have to be careful to not only use these corners as a consequence.

Ultimately, we want to introduce mindfulness as a valuable tool in our children's toolbox. It's a tool that they can decide when and how to use. If we introduce it in a positive light and practice it consistently as a family, then it becomes a tool they naturally turn to when they do experience dysregulation.

Mistake #4: Unrealistic Expectations

Mindfulness isn't something we pick up overnight. It takes more than one lesson, one video, or one activity to really internalize the idea of mindfulness. Here are three tips for making mindfulness a consistent practice in your family:

Model Mindfulness: Are you practicing mindfulness yourself? Maybe you are, but does your child know it? Next time you get frustrated and take some deep breaths to ground yourself, explain to your child what you're doing. Make the sometimes invisible practice of mindfulness visible to your child. By letting them see you use mindfulness throughout the day, they begin to internalize it as a tool they can also use.

Consistency: How can you make mindfulness a consistent part of your family's routine? Are there times in your schedule that you can designate as mindful moments? Perhaps you begin the morning or close out the evening with a short meditation. Start meals with a moment of silence. Take time to sit in nature each day and take it in with all five senses. What works for your family?

Recognize that mindfulness looks different for everyone: There really is no right or wrong way to practice mindfulness. Even when we are practicing being fully present, it is inevitable that we get distracted or our thoughts start to wander. That's expected and not something to get frustrated by.

Join the Summer Mindfulness Challenge

Not sure where to start? Join the FREE Summer Mindfulness Challenge here and get a simple and hands-on mindfulness activity your whole family can enjoy.